I get scared. A lot.
There are a lot of things that scare me: snakes, rats, the guy dressed up as the Easter Bunny at the mall (that costume is seriously creepy).
But more than anything I’m scared of change. The unknown. It scares me and excites me all at the same time, which is a really odd set of emotions. It’s like a roller coaster, terrifying, but so much fun!
Moving 11 hours from home, not knowing anyone and having a completely unpredictable income is the biggest and scariest change I’ve ever made.
This big of change comes with a whole new set of fears:
- What if I’m not good enough?
- What if no one likes me?
- What if I don’t raise enough money?
- What if I don’t find a place to live?
- What if I hate it?
- What if they hate me?
- What if something happens at home while I’m there?
My biggest fear on thisjourney is, what if I’m not capable?
The devil knows these fears. He knows my weaknesses and how to get in my head with these thoughts. He’s been doing it for the past few months in a big way:
December: I let my co-worker and good friend borrow my car. He wrecked my poor Camry. It wasn’t his fault and everyone involved was safe. A few days later when the insurance company went to look at it, it wasn’t there. It was STOLEN from the salvage lot!
January: While driving my mom’s car, I went down an embankment on a rainy night and flipped it after being ran off the road. Again, I was completely safe.
February: After the insurance money came in for my Camry, I was able to buy a Jeep Liberty. I had it for one week and someone rear-ended me on Friday night.…Atlanta traffic. Again, safe, but very frustrated.
3 cars in 3 months
I am now scared to drive. I question my judgments, my abilities and other drivers. You don’t really think about it, but you have to have a lot of trust in driving. You have to trust your car won’t breakdown or run out of gas. You have to trust the other drivers aren’t texting, and actually know how to drive. Ultimately you trust that no matter what happens, the Lord will keep you safe. When I wasn’t able to trust the car, the other drivers, or even my capabilities, I was able to trust that the Lord would protect me.
I have to learn to do this in every situation. The Lord will protect me, provide for my every need, and be with me every step of the way. The devil can put as many fears in your head as he wants, but God can outweigh any of it if you have Faith in Him. We may not be capable, but He is. He will find a way to make something beautiful out of the wreck (literally and figuratively).
“He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end.”